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please take a look at my question, i need serious help i think im having a breakdown seriously?

Im in a feel fix, I love my bf more than anything and he says that he loves me. But during the time we have been together i have never been hurt of cried so much. His mum is interferring, he's 30 and she takes his car keys off him, his phone, his bank card and his laptop so he can't contact me. She is like the woman off psycho, she is totally deranged. When im there she is so nice, but behind my back she says she hates me. She has a big financial hold on my bf and the other night she forced him to sit there and ring me to say he wants a break from me. Apparantley when i phoned him later on he said that she was loving my tears and saying "you did good there son". I have tried to split up with him over it all even though i love him so much but i physically can't do it, i start to shake and i get uncontrolable tears and i start looking for ways to end my life. Sounds mental doesnt it? I just don;t know what to do with my life anymore. I don't want to continue. He came down last night and i tried to finish with him because he isnt putting his foot down with his mum but he cried and we just realised that we cant let her win. He was supposed to come down to mine after uni at 2 today but he never showed up and both his phones are turned off and i havent been able to reach him via the internet. I cant relax, im a bag of nerves and i need some serious help. I am so stressed that i have completely missed a menstrual period, im meant to start again today but i havent (oh and by the way im not pregnant, had a blood test done the other day). He told me that when he got home the other night from mine his mum had left him a note saying "fuck you for choosing her over me, go and fuck yourself how dare you blank me, i have loved you for 30 years alot longer than she has". She has this massive financial hold over him. She has threatened to rip my face off and disfigure me. She has five children, her youngest daughter has a baby and she cant see it because the babues father hates her. She has a son, and when she went down to her sons house over christmas her sons gf who is a nurse went for her twice. She is just horrible. Please help, i have tried my best with her i even ordered her this dvd boxset from ebay that she has been wanting for so long because i want her to accept me. But when she hid his car keys that was the last straw and i had a big row with her down the phone. I just dont know what to do, there is one miserable woman writing this question right now and she needs serious help:(

Public Comments

1. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm amazed at the number of nut cases there are in the world and tha degree to which they mess with others' lives. I admit that I stopped reading at the point where you wrote "His mum is interferring, he's 30 and she takes his car keys off him, his phone, his bank card and his laptop so he can't contact me. She is like the woman off psycho, she is totally deranged." Clearly she needs help - but just as clearly so does your boyfriend. He allows her to control him and that's not good. I know you love him, but if you were my daughter I'd tell you to distance yourself until he gets his life together and stops letting her do this. HE needs to fix this. YOU cannot do anything but get out of the way. I learned the hard way, and now I call my former boyfriend my ex-husband.
2. First, take a deep breath. I recommend that your boyfriend tries to find he own place to live, he is thirty. If he slowly detaches himself from his mother, and gets his own space, then maybe you two could get back together with less of this drama. But, if she needs him, psychological, then he should still be there for her. I recommend that you two do not isolate her and that you still try to friend her. If you two truly love each other, then there should not be a reason that you two should stop loving each other.
3. I dont know much About relationships but ive got like a clean interpretation for you. Loads of people have this problem with their lovers parents its like a cultural tradition. There is apparently No way you can reach out to this woman. But your boyfriend is 30, his mother shouldnt control his life completely, if at all. You need to show him that he needs to stay away from his mother for you. If my mother tried to have that kind of hold on me and keep me away from someone I loved I would be gone in A second. Its hard but the only way for you 2 to be togther is if your boyfriend stands up to her. Its not your fault so try to relax and cool off. Talking it over is the best thing you can do right now. good luck x
4. The thing is, you're not going to be able to change her. The only way this is going to change, is if your boyfriend changes. He is the one who has to stand up to his mother, even if she does have a financial pull over him. He will have to grow up sooner or later and be able to support himself and his family, and if his mother is doing this to him, he needs to put a stop to it. You have to tell him to talk to her. I'm not saying to give him a choice between you and her because that is not what it is. He is not choosing sides but living his life. And it sounds to me like his mother is the one who needs help. Just hang in there, and if it does get bad enough, you're going to have to let him go.. It wouldnt be letting her win, but you would be happier. You wouldnt have to deal with such a horrible woman like that and you could really start to live your life.
5. Oh honey, I feel so bad for you. I can feel your pain, I had to hold back tears as I read this. If it makes you feel any better, I do not like this woman either, she sounds like a menace, but I am afraid hating her will not do any good. Also, it sounds like you have tried to make peace with her many a times and have failed. Your boyfriend sounds like he loves you and if you really loved him you would not let him go in a hard time like this. All I can think of right now is Romeo and Juliet... Forbidden love. Would he mind leaving her? Do you guys think you could make it work forever if he left her? I am so sorry, I know this probably did not help, but I just feel so bad for you. Good luck. You can do it.
6. The mum obviously has severe problems in letting go. Maybe because she has no one else to turn to, a husband may be the answer for her, just so she has someone ot look after her. But i agree that she needs to let go and ur bf needs to start taking control, as soon as he stands up to hr and tells her that he wants to be with you, she will start to calm down. I dont know if it is out of a strange kind of love that she is doing this or move of an obsession, like no one is good enough for her son. You need to ask the other siblings and see what they did about it, they must hav found a way to get around her... It must be hard not to hate her, but i think she is just lost and feels as though she has no one left in the world apart fro, her son... I dont know what ur goin through but i hope u sort it all out, things will always get better!!! :)
7. he sounds like a faggot little mamas boy. just move on, you can do better. find a boyfriend who can support himself and doesn't need his mum telling him how to live his life. a real man would be able to love you without needing his mother to back up his decision. if he really loved you he would tell his mother to back off. his mother isn't the one getting in the way of the relationship, its him. he's allowing his mother to control him. he's worthless and co-dependent. find a real man and drop this reject.
8. sorry you feel that way, don't worry be happy :)
9. Really he has to decide what to do. His mother is either throwing you together which is the worst thing that can happen if you decide that way. Living together when forced together is not the best way to start. Or she is trying to split you apart. Don't anything quick. Time will show what it is correct to do. But something has to develop and it seems to be the best idea for your b/f to sort this out with his mother. "The financial hold" is intriguing. If he left will she be broke or upset or is she paying something off for him that he should do so himself? Make sure he is not the same as his mother and, if you value the relationship and if it is obvious he does, take comfort that you can, later rather than sooner, start making plans to keep her out of your lives. No visits? No contact. See your b/f reaction to that
10. I have an idea. Why don't you have your boyfriend move in and live with you? When she isn't home, he'll pack his stuff, take his keys, and go. Whatever financial grip she has on him, it will be worth it. Whatever money he owes her, he'll pay it later. Whatever money she's giving him, it will still be worth it when you go. If you live with your mom, just explain the situation.